faith! - Anita Nelam

Had you asked Anita Nelam in her 20s if she could imagine herself at almost 70, quarantined for a year during a global pandemic with her five children, she probably would have told you that was as crazy an idea as the storylines in some of the screenplays she has written, or as unlikely as being a statewide staffer for a presidential campaign for the country’s first African-American president.

And, yet … not only did she write screenplays and come to South Carolina to work for the Barack Obama presidential campaign, she also adopted five children who are natural siblings, ages 15 to 7.

“I did not want them to be separated,” she said. “I had never had children of my own, but I had always wanted to.”

And so, since Anita knew the children’s birth mother and had been around them all since they were born, when their mother was unable to care for them as they needed, Anita stepped in and ultimately adopted Mariah, Olivia, Gracie, Jaida and Zac. Their ages today are 15, 12, 11, 8 and 7, respectively. She began her role as mother when Mariah was one day old.

“Culturally that is the story of African Americans in this country – taking in one another,” she said.

The children did not become hers all at once; it was a gradual process, but, finally, in 2011, they all became Anita’s. The children chose the last name of Adams, and, ultimately, Anita plans to change her last name to Adams, too.

“Everyone calls me Mrs. Adams anyway,” she said, laughing the sparkly laugh that you begin to identify with Anita once you have spent time with her. “Might as well make it easier for everyone.”

Changing her name may be easy enough. Managing her brood of five during the pandemic was not.

And, yet, talking with Anita about the experience leaves you with the distinct impression that she may be one of the most resilient people you will ever meet. While loss of income due to the pandemic had a definite impact, Anita said things always worked out just when she needed them to. Being able to use the loft area of The Commons for her crew’s classroom space and Wi-Fi needs is among the gifts she credits with getting her through.

“I have this attitude about fear. You have to jump in when there’s a problem and try to resolve it,” she said. “You have to ask. OK, God, here’s another one.”

As a result, Anita found loving support from St. Martin’s and its members as well as colleagues, friends and family. Gifts would arrive in the mail just when they were needed, including birthdays and Christmas, or when a bill was due. And whenever Anita had a little extra, she shared it with someone she knew needed help.

“There’s always someone more in need than I am,” she said.

Anita learned this perspective in childhood. She grew up in the South Bronx, the child of alcoholic parents, often living with relatives. Catholic school played a significant role in stabilizing her life. “The one thing my family did is keep me in Catholic schools through graduation,” she said. “The nuns got me through.”

One nun in particular, Sister Brenda Mary, is a person Anita remembers as “the best of the best” among her teachers at Our Lady of Victory. If Anita needed a uniform washed – the family had no washer or dryer – or any other need, Sister Brenda Mary quietly took notice and gracefully handled things for Anita.

“She made me feel like things were going to be OK.”

Anita was so influenced by Sister Brenda Mary’s care that she considered becoming a nun herself, but when Sister Brenda Mary left the convent to marry the school’s favorite priest, Anita gained a different perspective of life within the church. She decided convent life probably wasn’t for her either.

She has since had many unique jobs, including working on the political campaigns of, among others, Shirley Chisholm, Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama. It was the Obama campaign that brought her to South Carolina, where she was the statewide operations manager. She currently is working to ramp back up the private consulting work she had done prior to the pandemic.

Anita found her way to St. Martin’s by way of Starbucks. As part of a regular coffee klatch at the Trenholm Plaza shop, Anita met Ann and Frank ­Avignone. Ann invited Anita to one of the parish’s Jazz Masses. Today, Ann is Mariah’s godmother, and Frank is Zac’s godfather.

Initially Anita wasn’t sure if St. ­Martin’s would be a fit for her family. Her past experience had been in predominantly African-American Episcopal parishes. But warm greetings after services, affection toward her children and the loving attention of Royal School of Church Music Director Pam Hair ultimately made her feel she could raise her children here.

“One of the great things that came out of the pandemic for me was the closeness between Ann, Pam and Jane Jannack and me texting one another after COVID hit,” she said. “That is a sustaining force in my life for sure.”

She also found the online worship services lifesaving. She personally enjoyed the chat feature because it allowed her to directly comment to someone in real time.

She is glad, however, to be emerging from the pandemic. She considers her life blessed. “I’ve had experiences I never would have expected in politics and work. I did not expect to be spending my 60s and 70s raising children, but what the heck?”

Anita Nelam and her children joined St. Martin’s in 2019.